Another Counter-Cult Apologist Adventure
"A Novelette Based on Fact"
Little did we know that Jon Trott's free flight to Washington,
D.C., was going to cost us a lot of money. All we knew that August night
was CNN's "Larry King Live!" had called Jon and that same day hustled
him onto their program. Why? Jon had urged Cornerstone readers to
boycott Dead Air, Bob Larson's book about SRA (satanic ritual abuse).
Larson, one unhappy camper, would be on the show debating Jon.
We, as Jon's fellow conspirators in the great ARASE vs. ARASSS
debate (that's "adult ritual abuse survivor enhancers" versus "adult
ritual abuse survivor syndrome skeptics"), viewed the program with
delight. But what we didn't see was what happened afterward. That night,
on the phone from his hotel, Jon filled us in on the confrontation in
CNN's nefarious "Green Room." "As soon as Larry King was out of the
room, Larson said, 'Trott, you've got a really big SRCS [satanic ritual
chip on your shoulder]! Then he told me point blank to go to... Denver,"
Jon said. "He says he's got evidence galore there, and that I'm a
chicken-liver if I don't go! I almost slipped out the door, but then he
got me... the SRDDD -- satanic ritual double-dog dare!"
Jon might have gotten his Montana slang in there, but the idea was
clear. "Go for it," we said, "but not without one of us!" Thumbs up all
round, we vowed we'd either find Larson's evidence, and eat humble pie
by publishing it in Cornerstone, or there wouldn't be any evidence and
we'd confront Larson about using vulnerable women to enhance his ratings
Our Chicago partner made the call to BLM (that's Bob Larson
Ministries, folks). Dates were set, the light was green, and my Bob P.
ran out to get the cheapest round-trip ticket to Denver he could find.
The result? $238 for one CNRF (cheap non-refundable) round-tripper.
There went our year old fund for the new Xerox machine. Oh, well, a
small price to pay, all in the name of research, truth, and the biblical
Now I confess I'd had my doubts about Mr. Larson's phantom
evidence since August thirteenth (no, it wasn't a Friday). I'd been
debating Larson on KKLA's "Live in L.A.," the radio program hosted by
Christian attorney and minister John Stewart. I had simply kept asking
for evidence, but Larson was so busy using rhetoric and filibustering
that he could only try to enlist the on-air support of his very own
ARASSS (adult ritual abuse survivor syndrome speciman), "Susie." Now, I
didn't think "Susie" had actually suffered the abuse she evidently
believed she had, but I wasn't about to join Larson in on-air
exploitation. Maybe my refusal to play Larson's game with "Susie" is
what provoked him later during the show to ask if I could be convinced
if he could bring a fallatio-performing Satanist on his knees before me
in the studio. And Larson wonders why we question his psycho-sexual
But now my husband and Jon were going to see it all, and one way
or another, we'd have some things cleared up about this SRM (satanic
ritual mess). Then Jon called, and it must have been a Monday. (You
know, weird stuff happens on Mondays.)
"You won't believe this," he said, "but Larson's secretary Bonnie
Belle called, and said Larson thinks we're writing a book about him."
Uh, oh. I didn't know about any book. But maybe I was a multiple
personality victim, and one of my alters was ghostwriting. "Anyway,"
said Jon, jarring me into reality, "Larson says that since we're trying
to 'get him,' we'll take the list of SRA victims he has and smear their
names in public."
Right, Jon. Like I refused to with Susie? We weren't the ones
trotting these clients out of the therapy room and onto the media
circuit! But I could see it coming already, "Let me guess," I moaned.
"We're SRBH's... satanic ritual bag holders."
"Affirmative," intoned the ear-piece. "He says we can't come, that
we're not welcome. And I told Ms. Belle about your CNRF ticket, too!" I
moaned again, and hung up the phone. The ticket. What would my husband
say? (It wasn't swearing, but we're not holding our breaths for the new
But, ever hopeful for Christian dialogue and resulting
understanding, I gave Bonnie Belle a call. Once I finally talked with
her a week later, she told me a completely different story! The alleged
book wasn't the problem; an alleged radio appearance by me was the
problem! (Gee, another multiple personality?)
Bonnie Belle tried to explain. See, she claimed I'd gone on the
air via KKLA the day after my debate with Larson and messed him over in
his absence. She accused me of SRTS (satanic ritual "trash and
slander"). Only trouble was, I hadn't been on KKLA since the debate.
(Those pesky alters?) But when I called John Stewart, just to make sure,
he confirmed my URM (unrepressed memory). He called Bonnie and told her
so. But Bonnie demanded that Stewart hand over the SRTT's (satanic
ritual transcript tapes) of the entire week's programming. Maybe she
wanted to hear them backward?
After listening to them in at least one direction, Bonnie called
my husband. She admitted that the tapes had no evidence of my voice
anywhere on them, to which my husband replied, "So are you going to
apologize to Mrs. P.?" I won't say any more, but Belle made sure Bob
P.'s ears rang for the next week.
One afternoon, I sat next to my husband, who'd gotten
philosophical about our adventure. "Well, honey," he said, "no Xerox
machine, and macaroni and cheese for the next two weeks. But it was
worth it... wasn't it?"
I wondered. We'd only wanted evidence, evidence of any real kind.
Seems like the ol' SNOT (satanic noise obscuring truth) had been used on
us again. But let's let bygones be bygones, I reasoned. My husband came
out of the kitchen with some white fluffy stuff in a bowl. And I dropped
in a video of good old Christian television from a couple weeks
By golly, it was Trinity Broadcasting. And there he sat, Mr.
Larson himself. Next to him sat Hal and Kim Lindsay, along with Johanna
Michaelson. They spent the next two hours vilifying "the critics," --
who, us? -- for being SISSY (stupid, ignorant, secret satanist yahoos)
who kept on whining for evidence. Lindsey compared MPD sufferers
(multiple personaity disorder) to the Apostle Paul and Larson accused us
of being prudes.
Oh, yeah, evidence? I guess they don't think they need it when
broken promises, name calling and talkin' dirty are so much more fun.
Somehow the popcorn seemed a little stale. Last I looked, God was still
on His throne, not ol' Slewfoot.
(Real author's name is being protected; her prose is endangered from a
hidden conspiracy of religious media personas.)